almost there!

the little miss is trying so valiantly to crawl. she works tirelessly every day on her play mat, trying, trying to push herself forward. she can now get up on all fours and then move into this downward dog sort of thing, but inevitably, she propels herself in backwards, circular motions, never really reaching the object in front of her. in this video, i'm luring her with her snazzy radio (thanks dad and mary!). at the end of the video i fold and push it forward - i've always been a bit of a pushover!

intense

I'm starting to realize that my little one is actually quite intense. She is learning to love life, and/or, explain to me exactly why her world is less than perfect at any given moment. She now laughs when I walk in and whines the minute I walk out. Instead of falling gently to sleep in her crib, she scoots herself around, bangs her head into the bars, and tries valiantly to stand herself up (with varying degrees of success, depending on how sleepy she is), before eventually passing out, exhausted and well exercised. I'm not surprised that she's active, nor am I surprised that she's so intense. Physical activity and general intensity are two things that my husband and I have in common. I guess soon enough I'll see what other character traits she gets from us, whether she'll have our curly hair, whether she'll be factual and logical like her dad or creative and emotional like her mama. It seems to be happening all so fast, she seems to be growing and changing daily. She's eating a ton of different things (even had her first bits of daddy's deer roast last night!) and subsequently making lots of "big girl" poops. Soon enough she'll be running around the house, showing us whose boss. For now, I'll continue to revel in her intensity, whether it's the way she opens her mouth huge to feed herself wasa crackers, or whether she's laughing at some crazy song I've made up. The key to keeping up is staying present in our love, our movements, our moments.

a new luxury

it's saturday afternoon, almost 2:00, and i'm indulging. no, i haven't bought a new pair of jeans or taken myself out to a nice lunch. i haven't gone on some victorious hike or been rejuvenating at a yoga class. in fact, i haven't left my house. but i've found a new way to spoil myself - by indulging in eliana. for starters, my sweetheart of a husband got out of bed at seven with the little one and let me sleep until 10:30 (after a funky week of two and four a.m. wake-ups, the sleep was much needed). by the time i got up, elie was already down for her morning nap so i made myself breakfast, took time to drink my coffee, and checked my email. when she woke (with a huge smile at seeing my face looking down into her crib), we played in her room for a while. we sang songs, banged on her radio, sucked on miss spider (well, she did), and ate some snacks. after snacks i realized how disgusting elie was, covered in butternut squash mush and sucked bits on wasa crispbread. so at about 1:00, i drew a bath for the both of us. we played, splashed and soaked. i then nursed her in her chair, not concerned about the time or getting anything else done, and put her down for another nap. the luxury is this. i haven't worried about going grocery shopping or vacuuming our floors. I haven't done laundry or cleaned the bathroom. i've just been trying to be present with my little one, giving her the time and love and focus she so deserves. and in doing so, i find myself settling into the now, this timeless wonder of being in love.

nana and grandpa's house

Eliana does not only having a loving and doting set of grandparents who have temporarily re-located to Missoula to help their son and daughter-in-law out with childcare, she now has a Nana and Grandpa who actually OWN a house just a few miles up the road. At Nana and Grandpa's Eliana has her own bedroom (with both a crib and a big girl bed), a swing, lots of great toys and a plush rug for playing around on. It is such a sweet thing for me to drop her off at her Grandparent's beautiful place, knowing that she'll be not only loved and cared for, but she'll be able to enjoy the gorgeous mountain views, spacious rooms and hot tub to boot! Here are a few pictures I snapped the day after they closed. More to come soon....

six month visit

Eliana had her six month visit today and is doing spectacularly. She weighed in at a whopping 15 pounds and measures 26 inches long. She charmed the pants off the nurse and doctor, only wailing when she had her third round of shots. She then came home and practiced walking with her daddy. Catch a bit of the action here!

mrs. big stuff

"early spring" has arrived in missoula and i've been spending my afternoons walking with my little posse - elie and lucy. today we did the downtown loop, taking the river trail home. as i watched the sun sparkle on the clark fork and looked up at the snow slowly melting on mt. sentinel, i passed another new missoula mom on the trail. her little guy was bundled up in the bjorn on her chest. we did the missoula smile and nod. i wasn't too interested in talking because eliana had finally fallen asleep and i didn't want to stop the motion of the stroller to chat. but she started it.
"how old is she?"
"seven months."
"what about him?"
"oh, just seven weeks."
"wow. you know, just like they say, it goes fast. and it's hard to imagine they are ever that little."
"yeah. can i see your little one."

i remove the hood from the carriage revealing a set of luxuriously long lashes folded, a perfect little button in a snowsuit.

"wow. she is big! how big was she at birth?"

clearly this woman has not spent much time with babies. my petit muffin? big?

and then i looked at her from this woman's perspective and remembered all those "big babies" i remember seeing when elie was a brand newborn. babies with dried snot beneath their soft noses (check). babies with crusty food stuck to their faces (check). babies big enough to sleep in a stroller (check).

and i realized, once again, how this is moving too quickly, how she's growing up too fast.

so as i sit here this friday night with a glass of wine, blogging away, whooping it up mommy style - a style that is quiet and introspective, aware and devoted - i'm not thinking of the movie in town i want to see, or the dinner with a girlfriend i had to decline. i think about how, soon enough, she won't need my ear pressed to her nursery door, my breast ready to roll, my heart ready to break into a million pieces because i would do anything to keep her happy and safe. i think about all the children i teach and how, just seven/eight/nine years ago, they were asleep in cribs, crying out in need, desperate and so very dependent and how evolved and bright and aware they are today. and again, i choose instead to cherish this time, to be here now, to try and relish every moment before they melt like the winter snow, like the ice cracking on the sidewalk.