fall catch up

 I have a serious case of blog back up.  That's what happens when life is moving too fast for you to keep anything documented, when you want to give everything the meaning and time and justice they deserve, but instead end up hammering it out.  This is a hammer out. 

We had a beautiful visit from Mazzy Rell, her mama and my mama.  Finding them in my early October town and our whole crew meandering through the farmer's market made me feel replete and complete.  I am so in love with them all. 

For my whole life, my sister and I have done everything side by side.  We've always been insanely tight, from early Fame dancing days to post-college Bohemian roomies. When I had a child, I entered a realm of life wholly separate from my sister.  It was really the first time I did this when she didn't quickly catch up.  But five years later, here she is.  And she's as beautiful and strong and natural and perfect as ever.  Mazzy is equally good at playing her part - she sleeps, she smiles, she barely makes a peep.  Until she hurls.  And then it's like hanging with a sorority girl on a bad Friday night.  But over way faster.  Wowzahs. 

 It was short and sweet, our time together.  Lazy days of naps and hikes and dreamy chats.  Soli and Els enjoy their roles as big cousins.  Soli was especially into talking about Mazzy the days leading up to and following our time together.  He's finally not the youngest and you can tell he's psyched.

Otherwise, we continue to move through this busy fall.  A month of smoke makes the crisp autumn days all the easier to savor.  I've been discovering new trails and finding myself taking in my surrounding landscape like a foreigner in a new land.  It's marvelous to me.  It really is.  And even when I feel too spent and tired to do a whole heck of a lot, I can always muster up some time to walk outside.  And I always return refreshed and full of appreciation.    

 Jeff has taken to bringing the kids to the baseball field for batting practice when I'm not around.  I finally made it to the field with them this weekend.  I think it might have been the highlight.  Eliana is turning out to be a pretty solid hitter, which is hysterical to me because I personally cannot think of a more mortifying sport than baseball.  The pressure!  The eyes on you!  The fast running!  Luckily homegirl has daddy to help round out her skill set.  Otherwise it would be all Broadway and jazz hands. 

I love that while Eliana tries to hit the ball, Soli runs as fast as he can into the chainlink backstop.  When she finally hits a ball, she screams for him and they run the bases like fools.  They never stop, these children of mine. 

Tomorrow it's a 7:30 am meeting, a full day of teaching, including the evening.  It's amazing how my priorities have shifted since going back to work full-time.  It just feels so clear.  Work hard all day at school, come home and hunker down with children in the evening.  I just don't have much else to give.  I'm attempting to release all evening commitments, but still have one evening yoga class hanging on.  Of course, I always love teaching once I get there.  But it feels like for me right now, if I have a moment, I should let someone else teach me, run the show, show me how it's done.  I get really, really tired of telling people what to do, trying to stay inspiring and upbeat all the while.  It's a lot.  How in the world to full-time working mother's ever exercise?  How do they get time to themselves?  I mean, I have this, right now.  These quiet hours while the kids sleep, while Jeff is out, while I still have a few more shots of juice.  But my contacts are getting stuck and heavy in my eyes, I'm ready to settle into the down of my comforter, my book needs to be picked up so I can read another two or three pathetic pages and then turn off another day.