so much laughter

My girl Ani has a quote that talks about, "so much shouting, so much laughter." That line is playing in my head right now when I think about these days with my daughter. While we don't shout, we definitely make noise. We sing songs. We talk and talk. We play music on the little radio in Elie's room, on her piano, on the weird, African instrument that her Auntie Kelli brought back from Ghana. We chase each other around the house and stomp our feet.

We laugh together. Laugh loud. Laugh hard. We have certain predicable times when she'll do something that she knows will make me laugh. She throws herself backwards and into my arms off of the cushions on the couch. She pokes my belly button. She hides behind doors and pops out with a giant smile. She giggles and nuzzles her favorite pictures of kitties and doggies in her books. When I'm putting on my lipstick in the morning, she stands by me and makes a funny face and smacks her lips together. She knows it always makes me laugh (...sometimes a bit nervously as I freak out about gender roles and whether or not I'm being a bad model by wearing make-up...then I get over myself and realize I'm a great model, lipstick and all).

These days with Eliana are infinitely precious.

Still, I've been having this on and off mommy guilt about the amount of time we have to spend apart. My job at school this year is much more demanding. I also work two nights a week and miss my fair share of bedtimes. My days can feel exhausting and long. Needless to say, I'm not always as radiant as she is.

But my new motto is to be as absolutely present with her as I can when we are together. It's not time to sorta check my email while I sorta flip through a book with her. It's not the time to try and sweep the kitchen floor or tidy up our wreck of a house. It's time to be with my honey. This weekend we have had so many opportunities for loud, silly laughter. We've been to lots of pumpkin parties and walked together in the golden leaves. The three of us have snuggled in bed. Jeff and I have exchanged lots of looks that say, how do we deserve this much love?