a year

It's white, white, white outside. I can barely see the mountains across the valley, barely see beyond the massive mounds of snow out the back deck. The thick fog. January has always been hard for me. Or at least since I've lived in Montana. It's still shocks. The cold and ice. The way everything slows so intensely.

But year after year, I brave it. Year after year, I get better at it. Attempt to embrace it. So let's go there. The best thing for me so far since being back? My friends. So, so, so lucky to have the women in my life that I have. This is probably why our roots continue to deepen, why the ocean hasn't lured us back.

My friend wrote a beautiful piece about the year. She inspired me to take a little photo jog down memory lane. I was floored. I beamed. I can't believe that the humongous, round faced, curly haired, young, young, young looking woman in the pictures is me.


That for half of last year, I had yet to meet Sol! That the world was still just us three. Us three. It sounds so weird to me now.photos by nici


I had a very mindful new year last year. I had girlfriends over and we wrote and reflected and shared. My best self is a good organizer. She's currently not in top form. I'm hoping to bring her back in 2011. Gonna put it out there. Gonna throw a rager. Gonna get wild with my bad self.

While it may not feel like it right now, drip, drip, slush, slush, slide, slip...Montana is a tremendous place to live. I see that in my pictures too. It's good to look at pictures of Flathead Lake in July when the forecast calls for 7 in a few days. Good to remember that this is as fleeting as those yellow leaves...though I think I could surrender to those forever.

I'm intimidated by the cold. It really does a number on me. Holds me in her grasp. Makes me feel small and vulnerable. The other day in the park I saw a blue heron. Big, beautiful, shiny, gray, she stood still and graceful as stone on the frozen creek. I got the chills. I stopped and stared. I wondered how I could be standing so close to such a wild and beautiful creature.

I feel that same way when I look out the window now. The valley view now thoroughly fogged over. The house silent. Sol safe and bundled in his crib. Els still at school. My teacup empty. My body settling into the weekend.

I know that these white days are short. Short and precious. That we are again moving closer to the light. That the months will unfold and bring new beauty to our days. For now, I'll choose my images of 2010. I'll close that chapter and open my arms to what's to come.


January 2010February 2010
March 2010April 2010
May 2010June 2010
July 2010August 2010
September 2010
October 2010


November 2010
December 2010