She's just fun to be around. All the time. She does what we ask with a spring in her step. She takes risks and tries new things. This week Jeff and I enjoyed three full days with her alone while Soli was back at school. It was so awesome. We went up to the ski hill and she and Jeffy went up to the "tippy top" of the mountain together. I hung out in the lodge and read my book waiting, waiting to see them making their way down Sunrise Bowl. Finally there she was, purple butterfly outfit and pink helmet clad, power pizza-ing her way down the icy ridge. I was practically clapping my hands with excitement to see them both. I was so dang proud of her. They'd been gone for over an hour and I could feel myself beginning to get anxious. Maybe she freaked out. Or fell. Or was really cold. Or cranky. But no. She was perfect.
The next day we took her to the local pool. She practiced her swimming, chatted with us in the hot tub, had a great attitude. It was actually relaxing. While one of us swam with her, the other one could soak in the hot bubbles, look out at the frigid landscape, the January sun a welcome after too many days of gray. Jeff looked at me with a smile and said, "Imagine if we'd only had one." I smiled and nodded. And then sweet Eliana jumped in with, "But that wouldn't be as much fun, you guys. And besides, who would I play with?" Sweet child.
And the espanol. We can hang out and speak Spanish with our child. And her accent is gorgeous. And she knows all sorts of words I've never heard of. Pegatina is sticker. I learned that one today. And just out of the blue just this very second she looked up at me and asked:
Okay, mama. If you speak Spanish but you don't live in a Spanish speaking country but your parents don't speak Spanish, is that okay? Can everyone still communicate? Because you and daddy, well you speak both Spanish and English and so do I, so that's okay. But some of my friends, they speak Spanish and their parents, Don't speak Spanish so how can they even understand?
Deep thoughts from such a goofy little ragamuffin.
Speaking of pegatinas, we made her a little chore chart. Things like, hang up my coat and tidy my room and wipe down the table after dinner. Jeff added, "Ski strong." She's so into it! She comes in and looks at the chart and then declares, It's time to hang up my coat now! Alright, now I'll just check that one off my chart. Hmmm, let's see, maybe I should brush my hair. Can I have a pen, mama? And she's off to earn her little checks. All the while her brother is trying to grab the chart, rip the page, write on the kitchen table.
Not to say her brother isn't getting better with age. He's certainly funnier. More articulate. More able. But also...more prone to frustratoin. More temperamental. Louder. More aggressive. And demmanding. I so see myself in both of them. When Eliana gets dreamy and creative, I like to think I see bits of my best self. When Solomon is super annoyed and frustrated, I also so see the self I try so hard to keep in check. Yesterday I woke up super anxious. Bad luck day fo sho. The last Friday of our sweet vacation. I imagined our normal school days. I thought about how much has to happen before I even begin teaching at nine. It's extra cold and icy and January-ish out. The car takes forever to warm up. We need gloves and hats. How the hell do I do it? After two weeks of taking our time, of having Jeff and I on a totally even playing field in terms of how much time we spend with the kiddos, it seems so absurd. Absurd and super difficult.
But Anxiety likes to play glass is half empty. So I brought my crabby self to yoga. Brian began by talking about, believe it or not, anxiety. He reminded us how we can choose how we can choose to worry or choose to be present. I thought about rushing around in the morning. Then I imagined having enough time to do everything somewhat decently. My early morning exercise classes have helped bring that kind of clarity. Because I walk back in the door at 7:15 and I've already had an hour of time to be completely present. Totally for myself. It makes cooking breakfast and wrangling socks and coats seem so much simplier because I'm feeling whole.
As I anticipate Monday morning, I anticipate trying out a new vinyasa class. It starts at six. It will be a cold, dark traverse to get there on time. And I'll probably have some anxiety about it the night before. If I'm having a good luck day, I'll sleep well and the kids won't wake in the night (Eliana's been having nightmares...that's another story, but it can be super disturbing...) If I'm having a bad luck day, Eliana will sweat and howl, wake her brother, we'll all end up in our little bed, wide awake and mildly grumpy. And then I'll decide to bag the class and know that there are always, always, more Mondays. Or I'll go balls to the wall and do it anyway. And the fact that I'm even writing about the possible outcomes shows that I've slipped out of the present and am on the wheel of unknowing.
Thankfully, Eliana just brought me back. She's rigging this rad crown out of jewels and scrap paper and a glue stick and she needs me to measure it on her head. Her eyes are big and bright and she has the focus (and hair) of a wild chemist on a late night in the lab. I think I'll push, "publish" and bring my creativity time back to this sunny kitchen Saturday. To the oven beep that tells me our banana/carrot/coconut/oat loaf is done (because our creativity is limitless). Sol will be up soon and this vibe will shift. But we'll both be so excited to see him, we'll run into his room like lovetorn fools. Jeffy will come home from his ski day and we'll make California rolls (Eliana's pick). And the next time I open this blog, after school is back in session and these long, lazy days a wild blur, I'll remember this moment and the blessing that's been this time together.
No comments:
Post a Comment