gratitude

I am blessed to live in a world where one can love a grapefruit so much that she would want to hug and kiss it, squeeze her eyes together with delight at the mere sight of it, snuggle her little face in it -- it was a day full of grapefruit love, simple delights, perfect moments.

As my mama always says, there's no better, more essential feeling than gratitude. And I'm feeling a heap of it tonight. I'm thankful for my sister and brother-in-law's visit all the way from Portland for just a few days of family together time. Thankful for the perfect pancakes that Kelli whipped up from scratch today. Thankful for the way my in-laws make me laugh with their openness and wacky ways. I'm thankful for the ridiculously gorgeous hike I took over the mountain behind my house today, going home pioneer woman style through snow, moss, beauteous vistas and forging my own, wild very un-paved trails. Thankful for the long chats I had with old girlfriends, one who is in the 26th delicious week of pregnancy, the other who is enjoying her boys first steps. It's so much all of this new life, remarkable development. I'm thankful for my home and space and the hard work we put into attempting to convert our basement into a playroom for Elie. The way my husband and I can laugh together. My mama's voice on the phone, the thought of her and Hilary actually being here with us soon. The organic strawberries I bought from the store, the first strawberry of the season being nothing short of total marvelousness to this spring ready mama and her berry lovin' girl.

And then there was dinner at the Massey's tonight. Homemade hollendaise on perfectly cooked asparagus. Pinot. Baked ham. Eliana and Moana acting as heads of either end of the table with their perfect little plates of mac and cheese, raisins, grapes and cottage cheese. Even cream cheese tacos for baby appetizers and homemade hummus and jicama for grown ups.

But none of those nuggets from a perfect day even come close to the greatest thankful of the whole day. Casey gave me a birthday present today and it's the first present I've received in a really long time that has made me cry. She bound my blog. Like really bound it in a real book with glossy pages and a fat binding and even a title on the spine. All the ramblings and goofy details and unedited, uncapitalized exclamations from Eliana's first six months of life. In hard copy.

It is positively gorgeous. The layout on each page is perfect. Looking at those funny little pictures of my girl a mere 20 months ago and reading about the way I savored every detail just breaks my heart. And, more importantly, totally validates the whole creative process of blogging for me. This blog has changed since Elie's birth. I am much more self-conscious about how it looks, I crop and edit photos, I capitalize and spell-check. I want the posts to have a purpose. I want it to look smooth and sleek and I envy both my real friends and cyber-friends alike who are able to take better pictures than I am, who are more computer savvy and all that jazz.

But, for god's sake, doing this is so not about that for me! That's the word to remember. I am feeling these wild, creative surges lately and all I want to do is savor them, write more, dance more, cook more, put wilder combinations of fabrics or accessories together more, read more poems to my kids, write more poems with my kids, read more songs to Eliana, sing more songs to Eliana. Give more. Love more. Play more. Talk more. Get deeper. Feel more. Admire more. Be more gracious.

So, my dear, dear friend, thank you for that beautiful gift. Your generosity, talent and beautifully overwhelming presence in my life is something I am thankful for daily. This book is the best present I could have ever imagined for myself. I had to tear it out of my hands to write this post. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for being so freakin' talented. Thank you for loving me and Eliana and Jeff for exactly who we are. Thank you for knowing how to give me something that would be so very just right.