buddies

I'm thrilled to report that my girl had a rockin' date with her BFF last night. Much to my great relief. Because Eliana hasn't been the sweet sauce, all love, all the time kinda girl she was the first two years of her life. Somewhere along the line the words don't and mine replaced all that 18 month old sweetness. What was once dreamy time spent watching her play with her buddies turned into frustration, even embarrassment as I watched her boss and cry, refuse to share. Last week after a long day and even longer afternoon I listened to her tell one of her oldest girlfriends to, just give me some space. Okay. So no one ever argued that she wasn't articulate. But I just want my old lover back.

After a lovey weekend at home, she seemed ready. She and Moana played as beautifully as they used to. Their games are hysterical and elaborate, filled with secrets and closed doors, laughter and weird, inside jokes. This allowed their parents to actually sit at the table and converse, enjoy dinner, enjoy perhaps their last evening of two families of three. Casey's due with little girl number two any day now. And I dutifully continue to follow in her footsteps. Her birth feels like a preview of sorts for me. She's been my little mirror into future pregnancy stages this time around.

And I am absolutely honored and thrilled because she has asked to me to be at her birth. I'm hoping she goes into labor on Saturday morning so I can be there for the whole thing. It is one of the more meaningful things that anyone has asked me to do. I want her birth to be perfect. I want to be there to do whatever I can. Watching the love between our girls mirror our love was so profound last night. These are such beautiful times, so alive and real.

These thoughts of birth, especially birthing at home are provoking my nesting instinct, causing me to indulge in all sorts of nesty things. Impromptu purchase of a new duvet and pillows. Fancy window coverings for our bedroom. Organized cupboards. Somehow I'm finding these little opportunities to celebrate this pregnancy, this birth.

The sun has been bright and bold in the sky the past few days, making anything feel possible. I've had time to sit on my deck with a book. Find quiet. Find space. This week finds me with my first week in years without evening commitments as I finally gave up my yoga classes til after little guy comes. Tonight as I was practicing alone I mourned not having that Tuesday date with my students. That class has consistently been a highlight of my week, a time when I always rise to the occasion of being my best self. But there was a liberation in giving it up as well. I know that it's time to embrace these changes in my body and just be. My ability to be graceful and agile has also come to a bit of a standstill. I know in my heart that I'm doing the right thing. The time to go inward, to settle and focus is here. It won't be here for long.