almost

I've felt so private lately. So inward and upward and all over the map. It's been a long week. A long week filled with contractions and cramps, surges of incredible energy and bombardments of extreme exhaustion. So many moments of...I think this is it! Or wouldn't this be the perfect time to have a baby? Or I really, really hope this isn't it...I can't do this right now. Exhausting stuff. All the wildness came to a loud crescendo Thursday night when the contractions started to come ten minutes apart, followed by mad dashes to the bathroom where I managed to empty every last particle from my insides. Jeannie and Jody were both on their way to another birth, so both my midwife and doula told me to take it easy and try to go to sleep -- this baby did not need to come just yet. Sleep I did. And that was that.

Yesterday was extreme exhaustion/nausea/poop/sleep day. A day where all my romantic images of this birth flew out the window and instead found me on all fours writhing and screaming and projectile-ing all over my little house. What we thought of was early labor was probably just a nasty stomach bug that, thankfully, seems to have cleared up.

Leaving me with a bit of perspective. Perspective that says this baby can come whenever he wants. That I have no real control over this. That my due date is still a week away. That anything can happen.