dreamers

thank you, nici, for that gorgeous pic of my girl...

It's 6:07 on Friday evening and I'm ready to go. My two best friends are playing a gig that started seven minutes ago at the Top Hat Family Friendly Friday. This event is one of our best family outings. Even better when my girls croon their sweet harmonies. I'm working on my percussion skills so I can join the act. For now, I've gotta stay a fan.

The kids have been asleep for a couple of hours. It was a busy, unbusy summer Friday. Groceries and park and a random stop over at a friend's, turned spontaneous playdate. I felt relaxed and one with them, never hurried nor harried, just in it to win it, the perfect place to be for me as a mama.

Eliana has taken to her new age with such grace. Her ease in her own skin, in her place in it all, seems to be rubbing off on me. She's been saying these sweet, astute things lately. Things like, Mom, I'd really like to get a salad for lunch at the Good Food Store. Because that's healthy food for a healthy body. Where does she come from? So instead of the cheesy bagel I'd contemplated, we go through the salad bar, getting healthy food for our healthy bodies. We actually ate lunch calmly. She ate her food without having to be prodded. She shared edamame with her brother. She tickled him and told him how much she loved him. I just sat there with my beets and spinach marveling at it all. Who are these incredible humans and how was I blessed with their care? Could her hair be any more beautiful? His smile any more wild? Her words more articulate, his moves more sturdy? How can I capture this feeling within myself every single day that I get to be their mother. Wholly present. No concern for time. No concern for what's next or all that has to get done. My best self all caught up in their best self instead of a totally different equation, one that has to be found in time I carve away from them. If I could nail this mama thing the way I did today? Even now, as the clock pushes 6:15 and all I want to do is watch my girls, but how the heck can I wake those dreamy babies?

Their door is open and I keep lurking around them. Eliana found her Night Night and she cradles it beneath her chin, orange dress wrapped around her bruised knees. Sol is like a little log on his belly. His pink sleepy sack a perfect bag for his sturdy limbs. They are everything to me. They are peace. Help my breath settle, help me slow down, take in, surrender to this very now.