snowbowl

The view from the chairlift is equal parts amazing and terrifying for this new mama....

so i did it. i went skiing. for real. and now it's chrismas eve and there's so much more to write about but, it's important that i give this ski thing a moment of my attention. because going down that big, snowy, white, intimidating mountain, took just about all i had out of me. i was terrified. there were times where i just froze up and told jeff i couldn't do it anymore. and then i'd make half a dozen perfect, parallel turns and feel super snazzy about myself. at which point some yahoo snowboarder would, like, fly over my head and get my face all snowy and i would kind of cower and freeze up and forget everything i'd just done. at one point i started telling myself to breathe like i did when i was giving birth. i figured if i could do it then, and produce a whole live baby without drugs, i could certainly get back to the damn lodge to finally see my own. i swear. something about that scenario brings up all the anxieties and fears and traumas that lurk way down deep inside of me. i felt like i was three, sitting at the top of a really long slide in the park, afraid to let go of the metal railings and lose control. but the idea of my little girl kept me going. thinking of how i now have the power to give her the chutzpah to become a rockin' little mountain mama, to soar on her own down these nutty slopes, to be brave and bold and never, ever experience the terror i felt on saturday, as a 33 year old, fairly accomplished woman. i have the power to teach my daughter to fly.