nyc or bust

So I did it and I'm proud. I had not just one but two, count 'em two, nights in New York City without Eliana. And it was damn fun. I felt a bit like Peggy Sawyer from 42nd Street as I rode the commuter train into the city from Jersey. My heart was racing and I was filled with excitement, anxiety and this sort of stomach achy ambivalence. I stepped off the train at Penn Station and within minutes had found my sister amidst the hustle and bustle of a city workday (gracias a dios por telefonos celular!). We did it up. We did it perfectly. We went straight to an old friend's very hip and popular dim sum shop. A high school theatre buddy who has not only been voted one of the up and coming entrepreneurs in the city, but the exploding hot chocolate mochi dessert was voted in the top ten desserts in NYC. What a great start that was for my adventure. And Kenny gave me lots of free dumplings to try. What a sucker I am for all things delicious and special and free! Loved to see an old friend doing so well in such a big pond.

The pond thing was a theme for my adventure. I realized that I love being a big fish in my small Montana pond. I realized that first and foremost when I took my, "Urban Lyrical" dance class. Wow. It was tough. The long, Argentinian and very gay teacher taught his uber dramatic, heart felt and extremely technical moves at lightening speed. I felt big and goofy and dorky. I couldn't even attempt to reach and rub and leap and turn like the rest of the class. I tried to give myself the advice I give my dance students. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one is watching you but you. Ignore the image in the mirror. And even though I kinda wanted to cry at the very end because I never was able to perform more than a fraction of the piece, it was good for my ego and was oddly affirming in this sorta backwards kinda way.

Moving along, we took our sweaty ass selves to the fabulously cheap imports at Conway. Neither of us ended up with any finds, but lucky for me, I had my trusty little red, "producer" dress and some flip flops stuffed in my backpack. We then found Adam and Tina, our old childhood dancing buddies at some lovely little outdoor patio. After big hugs, lots of laughs and a caiphirina, we moved on to our next spot, some fabulous Mexican joint, for margaritas and mole. Oh how I love how seriously New Yorkers take their food. It's so different to here. In Missoula we take food seriously but we generally grow/hunt/cook the food. It's not at all about the restaurants (save the occasional treat at Scotty's or Red Bird). But in New York it's this huge deal. I mean, I totally get it. I would be so on that train if I lived there. There's this vast universe of fabulous cuisine from all over the world. Why wouldn't you take it seriously?

After dins we hit the theatre. "In the Heights" was as Tony worthy, earnest and as fabulous as ever. God I love watching really talented people do their thing. This was another theme. Appreciating real talent. And then it was post show drinks and dissecting and critiquing. Talking about shows/movies/music that I'm passionate about is another thing I don't do enough in Missoula. I ate it up.

And it wasn't until about two in the morning, after I had showered and washed the grime and sweat of my busy day off of my sleep bones, that I realized how big my breasts were. They were full. I had no pump. I almost considered "hand expressing" though this seemed like an awful lot of squeezing for not a lot of payoff. So I took a deep breath, turned out the light, and snuggled in next to my sister on Tina and Adam's fold out. . I would be okay.

To be quite honest, I had hardly had time to think a whole lot about Eliana. I had checked in via cellular with Jeff a few times and she seemed to be doing swell. I knew that the next morning I would be finding her in Central Park. So I managed to go to sleep with the anticipation of seeing her little elfin face the next day.

Elie and I had a splendid reunion outside Tavern on the Green. She nursed excitedly and I was relieved to finally empty my breasts. We played on the swings (Eliana being the only child who was the same color as the adult woman with her), watched the boats, cruised on the grass. Tina, Adam and Carol all made it all the way to the park to get just a few minutes with the little vixen. Seeing how loved she is by her 'aunties and uncles' all over the country always fills me with such pride and amazement. I am one blessed mama.

Then it was on to a very fancy lunch in the garden of Tavern with aunties Kelli and Hilary, Nana Roseann, and daddy Jeff. Eliana was hours past due for her nap, but persevered like the stellar traveler she is. Soon it was time to say goodbye. Mom had a samba class to catch and a tank top to buy in order to have something clean. It was from samba to sushi, sushi to show. I topped off the trip with watching some of the best African dance I've seen, some of the most tremendous bodies moving in a way that I can only spend a lifetime striving to emulate.

I had thought I'd go home after the show, but couldn't find a train that late at night. I've certainly lost my city edge after six years in Montana and the idea of switching trains late at night sorta freaked me out. Eliana was already asleep in Jersey. So I stayed out!

Hil and I hit the pavement again, met up with some old friends at a tapas bar, enjoyed Spanish wines and sangria, laughed hard and reminisced. The night was electric and pulsing. I was full of wonder, basking in all the energies and eccentricities and decibels that make up such a unique and absolutely wondrous city. I couldn't have conjured up a better situation to try my sola mama wings away from my girl. It was totally perfect.

As hard as it always is to say goodbye to my sister, I was ready to hit Penn Station the next morning. After buying a fat and fabulous NY bagel and a big cup of coffee, I sat on that train replete and satiated and full. I took in the urban views from the train and thought about how far from this world I've wandered. I thought about how much I absolutely love, and have always loved, the pulse and diversity of the city. I thought about the life I've chosen. I vowed to show Eliana as much of the world as I possibly can, appreciate every moment I've been given, and not take a thing for granted. Then I watched the skyline change to suburb and felt my heartbeat quicken as I anticipated seeing my girl.