back to work

so it's my second day back at work and i seem to be doing okay. the movement from breastfeeding and stinky, milky tee-shirts to my pseudo, missoula style professional garb is kinda tricky, especially this morning when baby e was asleep in my arms still at 9:45 and i didn't have the heart to wake her. mind you, i have to be at work at 10:00 and i still wasn't dressed. she was sleeping so peacefully, face planted against my breast, breathing heavily, just completely nuzzled into me - how could i wake her? finally i realized it was time, lay her gently in her crib, grabbed my brush (thank god for the ponytail) and quickly threw some clothes together. at about 9:52 I nursed her one last time, trying to get her to eat enough so that she wouldn't have to battle the bottle (which she still isn't into). of course, she's recently developed another absolutely lovely and adorable trait which came up in this very tenuous moment, the "smile and nurse." the smile and nurse involves eliana frequently looking up to me with her big, glorious, bright blue eyes and smiling. sometimes she even giggles. we stare at each other and smile and nursing takes a backseat until all the smiles are satisfied. what a horrible moment to have to rush through. the only solace i have is that she presents me with many such lovely moments every day. though, even as i write that, it still isn't solace enough to justify having to break out of that sweetness to satisfy a schedule. but i managed to pass her to nana in time to slip on my clogs, run out the door, and be there in time to pick the kids up from morning recess.

i felt more of my teacher vibe this second day. i brought a beautiful story to share with the class (Miss Rumphius...check it out, gorgeous children's book). it was a book given to me for elie before she was born, and i re-read it again last night when we were having our quiet, marathon nursing time together. it tells the story of a woman who appreciates all the beauty in life. she travels the world and climbs mountains, meets interesting people and makes connections. when she's an old lady, she decides to scatter lupine seeds wherever she walks as a way to bring a little bit more beauty into the world. sharing this book with my class seemed to be a way to bridge my life at home with eliana as a mama to my life at school as a teacher. i was bringing what i believe to be true into the classroom (while still managing to teach about paragraph formation and proper sentence formation).

eliana was a peach for her grandparents and seems to be transitioning as well. we still enjoy afternoon hikes, just the two of us, up the mountain behind the house. the fall days have been glorious - bright blue skies and crisp, cool air. if anything, those four hours away from her make me revel in our time together even more. i listen to the way her breathing changes as we move uphill. the way she settles into the deep, heavy breaths of real sleep. the way her eyelids gently flutter when she wakes. the smile that spreads across her little face when she realizes where she is - attached securely to her mama, walking gracefully through another blissful day.