going for it

well, it's happening and we're going for it. i am officially back at school, having my first full work week, and bringing eliana up to her grandparents every morning. our week has been full and fast. i feel like when you have a baby, you learn to be incredibly efficient. you have a small window when the baby is sleeping and subsequently doesn't need you. you move quickly through all the tasks that need to be done (not necessarily doing them as well as you used to). that is how this post is for me right now. eliana is still sleeping and it's 9:27 am. my plan was to have her in the car to go up to the folks house by 9:30. that clearly won't be happening because i hate to wake my little sunshine. she's been having funky sleeps lately and waking up during the night (which she hasn't done since she was about eight weeks old). my theory is that she is getting used to all the changes and that some of her teeny incisors are coming in. she is super slobbery and smacking her little grandma gum's around more often. we go to see the pediatrician today and she can check out her little mouth for me (miss thang will not let her mama's hand near the inside of her mouth).

all this said, this week hasn't been bad, it's just been different. i have this theory that teachers have two speeds of life. speed one is the summer - lazy, slow, and full of adventures. then there is the school year and suddenly everything speeds up and one day runs into the next and you always feel like you're running behind yourself waiting to catch up. and suddenly it's the week before thanksgiving and you don't know what happened to the fall. teaching is fast paced, it's dynamic and unpredictable. it takes a totally different internal energy. so the shift from nursing mama, slow style, taking it all in and savoring every moment to making copies, racing up stairs, being energized and witty and organized, is pretty intense.

but then there's the moment when i finish work and get to head up the hill to pick up e. as you come over the hill towards my in-laws place there is this stunning view of the rattlesnake mountains, which are now dotted in a soft, white snow. yesterday the blue, winter sky fused with those grey and green peaks and i smiled and took a deep breath, taking in the view, knowing that in less than a minute i would be back with my girl. and then she sees me and is back in my arms again and the rest of the day kind of melts away, my heart rate slows, and i enter back into the dreamy existence that is me and eliana.