so this morning as i was getting my cup of coffee (aka "mommy crack") and yoghurt together for breakfast, i left eliana on her play mat on the carpet to hang sola for a bit. she was lying on her back looking up at all the dangling plastic thingys that she so enjoys. and when i walked back by her a few minutes later, she was on her belly, head lifted, holding onto a little stuffed mountain goat that had been lying on the periphery of the mat. rolled over. done. another milestone. i swear, she is changing so fast, i can hardly keep up. she is getting so determined, so independent.
meanwhile, the snow continues to fall, and mommy continues to be a raging insomniac. the creul irony of having a baby who sleeps well is when that baby's mommy suddenly can't turn off the incessant chatter of her mind. last night i got in bed at ten, and lay there, wide awake, until four when eliana woke for her middle of the night nurse. i'm not sure what's going on with me. it feels hormonal. i feel hot and sort of clammy in bed and my mind is 100% turned on. i don't even feel remotely sleepy in my brain, but my body feels like it needs to lie down. i took all sorts of precautions to not have that happen to me again. took a hot bath and read a silly magazine. hiked up the "L", in the snow, with my thirteen pounder attached to my chest, and my annoying dog pulling me on the leash. but even getting some exercise didn't seem to wear me out. worked hard, had eight people to dinner, cooked and cleaned and socialized, and yet, still, i couldn't seem to turn it off. i think the general magnitude of life feels so overpowering that i can't really take it all in, and i'm left, sifting through it, at all hours of the night.
so now that my daughter continues to progress perfectly, i've got to work on finding myself and getting her on the right path again.
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