Well, it's Monday morning, spring break is over, and we're back at our 'real life' routine. And what makes it even more real is that it's still SNOWING, even though tomorrow is April 1st. Right now a little bungalow in Ventura by the ocean sounds swell! I have these end of winter freak outs every year in Missoula when I just can't take the sight of white any longer. Yesterday I finished up my annual ski career on a moderately triumphant note (just had a small nervous breakdown and a brief bout of tears...). I think Snowbowl somehow metaphorically represents all my deepest anxieties about living so far from what I think/thought of as home. It's like a fun club that I'll never really be a part of and never completely get. But I have to say, I've come far on the slopes, and when Jeff is teaching Eliana how to rip it up a few years from now, I'll be able to tag along and hold my own on the mountain.
Speaking of Eliana, she is just a bundle of fun these days. She loves to move fast, laugh hard, charm the pants off people, eat new and exotic foods, and generally live life to the fullest. I think part of my "breakdown" on the slopes yesterday wasn't because I was scared of speed or vertical drop, but rather, afraid of how quickly this all is moving. Eliana will be NINE MONTHS in two weeks. How did this happen? She is so big and confident and brave and loving. That little blobby bundle of summer and fall has been replaced by this hopelessly beautiful, endearing, inquisitive little girl. I just want to hold on to every fleeting moment, revel in every detail - her round, pink cheeks, the way her eyelashes look when they're wet, the way she holds her hands together and shakes them and laughs, the way she curls into my chest when I pick her up first thing in the morning, or smiles when I give her kisses, or yawns and rubs her eyes when she's had too much fun, or pats my cheeks and grabs my neck with her scratchy little nails. The way she so completely and thoroughly smiles with her whole self when she sees me. The way I reciprocate, the love lines in my face growing deeper in the day because, I swear, I've never loved anything so deeply before.
1 comment:
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