bittersweet

fall is always a bittersweet season. it's so glorious, yet so fleeting. that is sort of how i'm feeling about being a new mama and this time in my life. everything seems to be changing so quickly, passing, moving. tomorrow eliana and i leave for a ten day trip to los angeles. while i am thrilled to see my family there and have eliana meet all her peeps in the big city, i know that when i return, the leaves will have fallen, i will be returning to work, and this time will be over. this time of lazy days and long walks and no obligations, no schedule. i also am feeling sad about leaving jeff. ten days is a long time in a baby's development, ten days that he will miss. she is changing so much, all the time. her little legs and arms are getting so strong and she is just dying to stand up. one of her favorite things is pushing her legs up against a hard surface, the edge of the bathtub or my lap, and then extending them, creating resistance, learning about push and pull. her life is one big exploration. i guess my life is a bit like that as well.

i have anxiety and excitement about our travels. it will be a lot to bring her through security, on to two different airplanes, three different airports, diapers and nursing and luggage. i am such a pleaser and hate to rock the boat (or the plane in this case...). i worry about being the woman on the plane that is annoying everyone with her noisy, needy baby. i also know that i just have to face it head on, know that not everyone has to love me, and go about my business. what they don't know is that i have the best baby on the planet, that she's not just another noisy baby, but a super brilliant shining light that they should only be lucky enough to sit next to.