Friday, May 7, 2010

a new day


A new day has officially arrived in our home. This new day is vivid and colorful and vibrant. Ever-changing. Busy. Sometimes very loud. Sometimes blissfully quiet and dark. Like the middle of the night. When my little boy wakes and I click on the head lamp as not to wake up exhausted husband. The bright light shines on his little eyes, each flicker bringing a new eyelash to surface, a new angle of his cheek that I hadn't yet noticed. I heave my heavy breasts and check which one seems more ready for him. He finds his way like a little champion, reminding me how only a few days ago, we were just one person. He makes his happy little sounds, settles his body into mine. I smile and wince at the same time. So happy to feed him, to sustain him. So shocked each time at how much nursing hurts in the beginning. When he's done we lay there, his little head on my chest and as tired as I am, I don't ever want to move, don't ever want to try to get comfortable because him on me like that is better than any amount of sleep, any known comfort.

And there are other moments. When Eliana needs so much from both of us, states plainly, "I don't want to share my parents." When the same everyday issues about the potty and TV seem so enormous, so annoying because why can't she just willingly sit on the potty when she wakes from her nap? Why does it have to be such a battle? What is the big deal?

Yesterday had it's share of moments, both beautiful and dissonant, but ultimately found the four of sitting at Rattlesnake Gardens, each of us with his or her own treat (beer for dad, oatmeal chocolate chip cookie for mom, push up for Elie and boob for Solomon, respectively), my eight o'clock at night attempt to finally leave the house. We are a new unit. A new unit trying to find their way in the world, re-navigate our little universe.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

yes. thanks for making it seem so sweet. . . i must admit i am feeling anxious about how it will all go down but that's just how it is, isn't it? and then you are in it and it's life and you live it--

so good to chat today. love you.

LauraT said...

Doesn't Ellie look HUGE compared to your little Solomon? And he was a big baby! Hang in there. The cramps will lessen (600 mg Motrin!), your nipples will toughen up, and Ellie will adjust - eventually, sort of. You'll become quite skilled at juggling and problem solving like you never could have imagined before. And joy and laughter will swirl around you amidst the tears and it's all good. SO happy for you! Can't wait to hear the birth story. Laura

don thomas said...

Gillie, thank you for all the wonderful pictures and for sharing so much with us.
I love you and am so very proud and delighted at who you are and how you squeeze life for call the joy and love that is all around you.
Dad