almost one month

in a half an hour my girl will be one month old. i can hardly believe it. tonight as i was making my way through all my best songs, singing my sweet heart out and rocking my fussy sweetheart in our rocker, i looked down and realized that she was absolutely the most beautiful thing i'd ever seen. she is getting so old and bright eyed and actually starting to resemble a human being, not just a strange little alien. right now she is lying in her daddy's arm in a perfect football hold, but she looks like a long, long little football. and her hair is getting so curly and think and it kinda sticks off her head in little, sweaty ringlets. when she settled this evening and came up from nursing, she looked at me with the purest, most beautiful little tease of a smile. i feel so very blessed.

i think back to where i was a month ago. huge. i was certainly huge. and afraid of giving birth and of all the pain but so equally anxious to get the whole deal going. i feel like i'm like a million years old since that month. i feel like i deserve to celebrate my one month old mom birthday as much as elie needs to celebrate hers. i feel like i've grown so much! like i've learned how to tap into this reserve of calm and patience that i didn't even really know that i possessed. like i now really understand the word 'selfless.' like i am absolutely fabulous and strong and beautiful and giving. i wish there was another word to use than 'blessed.' i feel blessed to be here, in this month, with my lovely, growing family. i feel such gratitude.